Shells, Smoke, and Stillness: The Spiral Journey of Self-Discovery

Standing in the Eye of the Spiral: Navigating Life's Twists with GT

WARM UP. Good greetings to everyone joining me today. I got out to the sanctuary today despite a heavy overcast and light rain throughout our trip there. The forecast must have served to deter some of the spring break crowds from the beach today, which was a welcomed reprieve. We went with the intent of gathering some materials for a couple future art projects using some epoxy that was gifted to us. I went out to the waterfront standing in the heavy waves as I so love to do to connect. On my way back to the beach towels, I dug my fat foot across the sand to reveal what ended up being about .5 inches of seashells that were collecting just under the first few layers of sand. This layer of seashells provided all the entertainment we could have wanted for the morning. We must have covered a stretch of about 15-20 yards of sand and slowly looked through thousands of shells, looking for the coveted conch, or spiral seashell. Looking through the seashells reminded me of how it’s said that no two snowflakes are the same. I thought at that moment there must be something similar to that statement pertaining to seashells as well. In a similar way, people also have their own unique journey they will go on through life. Even if everyone who had similar experiences could record every minute detail, then have the 100% accuracy to describe all the variables that were a part of the experience, none would be in totality, the same.

Similar to many others, I too share in the experience of having used stimulants to enhance life. A stimulant is defined as : a substance that raises levels of physiological or nervous activity in the body. My particular favorite has been marijuana. As a comedian once said, its side effects are happy, sleepy and hungry. I would like to add that they ‘forgot’ to mention memory loss. You could be physically doing an action with intent, and be in such an intense mental experience (a mental dialog?), that you quickly could completely forget the physical action you were participating in. Which often leads to you asking yourself “now what was I gonna do?” What many users will tend to remember is their first time “getting high.”

Mine came when I was 16 years old. An older classmate at my high school asked me one day if I ever “smoked weed before.” Now I don’t recall the circumstance that led to this conversation or honestly why I was associated with this older classmate at the time. I knew them from growing up in the neighborhood. They were from the other side of the tracks in section 8 housing growing up as I recall. It was the summer, he came with a pre rolled joint, that he rolled, yes. We smoked, then jumped in his car to grab some munchies. The moment I realized I was high was when I was staring down at my feet while he was driving. Staring at my shoes as I rocked my feet back and forth like windshield wipers and let out an audible “Heh heh.”

I didn't immediately go back into using marijuana just to feel “high.” I found myself having trouble sleeping and I eventually started using it as a sleep aid. My mind would race around with all of the day's troubles, the past troubles and the futures troubles while I was supposed to be winding down for rest. My self prescription went: half a joint, 30 minutes before bed. This was one of the first times I had consciously used a stimulant as a tool. One of my earliest experiences using this prescription led me organically to a technique I didn’t know was as powerful as it is at the time. It turns out that I experienced “a meditation.” Basically I emptied my mind of all the thoughts I was having by categorizing them, then, “releasing” them. My particular way was by “Hulk Smashing” them into the recesses of my skull. It was quite a vivid image, mentally seeing the categorized thought forming back up like a bubble, only to have it pushed back into darkness. At first the process needed to be repeated a few times over, thoughts would just keep “rising.” Eventually I could visit that quiet space instantly. If you are a person who has trouble getting to sleep, give this technique a try, in your own way. I have had some feedback from others telling me they have used it and have thanked me. Hopefully this tool proves useful to you too. You don’t even need to use a stimulant like I did!

COOLDOWN. I believe many self prescriptions can easily sway into the depths of abuse of using a stimulant. My use of marijuana eventually progressed from being used as a “tool” to use as “abuse.” That story will be told at another time. My seashell story wasn’t completely told either.

We were on the hunt for the precious conch, and We actually walked away with a much more valuable treasure. I combed up a Pandora bracelet! Seeing the little diamonds and the “Pandora” imprint quickly had me dreaming of taking a world wide cruise. Funny thing is, when I got there there were two men slowly walking up and down the beach with metal detectors. only about 20 yards from where these guys just were, We had no intention of stumbling on what we did. Turns out the value of the bracelet is minimal. No world wide cruise, QQ.

I have a plan to go off and travel into a few hours of imagination coming up shortly. I’m looking forward to exercising my imagination for a bit. Getting these reps in writing today nearly didn’t happen. I’m glad that I did it. Get your reps in my friends.

Take Care,