Standing in the Eye of the Spiral: Navigating Life's Twists with GT

Rough Waters & Real Ones: Reflecting on Friendship and Accountability

WARM UP. Good greetings to everyone reading on Easter Sunday. Today's greetings from the sanctuary were of “Happy Sunday Sargassum.” Sargassum is a term that I was made aware of from one of my family members last year sometime. Sargassum is a genus of macroalgae. There had been news articles talking about the increase in sargassum washing up onto beach shores at an unexpected rate, so naturally my weather-aware family member told me to be on the lookout! You would commonly know sargassum as “seaweed,” except sargassum is much more fun to say. While seaweed in the ocean is a common occurrence, today's increase in aggressive waves are not quite as common for us at the sanctuary. Not only was the ocean rough, my own universe seemed to be in a rough patch.

You may recall from last week's blog entry “Mirrors of the Mind: How Environment Shapes the Spiral Within,” in which the men’s group I am a part of were going to address the topic of “friends.” We were tasked to give a rating to our “friends” life category based on the question of “Do you have meaningful friendships that bring joy and support to your life?” With the added caveat of “Are you a good friend? To have good friends you have to be a good friend.” Now the first portion of the question was really easy for me to have a high rating, now that second portion was the real eyeopener.

I do have a really solid group of friends that I know I can count on. If I am ever in need I feel I would have about 2-3 friends that would do just about anything to make sure I am well – I will acknowledge that I am likely sold myself short by being conservative guessing 2-3 friends. In the group I found out I am in the minority with even 2-3 friends I could call on in an emergency situation. That should say something about whether or not I am a good friend – in my perspective. That question hit me like a ton of bricks to ask “Am I a good friend?” It seemed when I turned that question in on myself that I didn’t think I was all that good of a friend. I do like to say “we are our own worst critics,” so it feels natural to scrutinize myself harshly. I know I used to be hypercritical of myself, as holding myself to a higher standard was the way I was raised.

I recall a moment many years back that I got discouraged by a few of my close friends moving from our hometown. You may recall in my blog about “Pots, Wings, and Real Things,” consider me the “potted plant.” It was difficult to see my friends growing and moving on from what I was familiar with. They went off and made new friends, made new lives, raised families, all the things that most normal people consider a natural flow to life. My mind at the time wanted to play the victim role of “how could they do this to me?” It is similar to how people cling onto the idea of “childhood trauma” as an excuse to their behavior – this will be a separate topic for a separate day. It is of the same vein though in the sense that you are responsible for how you move forward with the relationships involved.

Through my own interreflections I realized that I am not the victim. I am equally responsible for carrying on and reaching out to these relationships to continue to foster them. Funny thing is years later my mom delivered the same sort of advice by telling me that she plans her own birthday parties. She said something to the effect that “if you want it done your way, you plan it, organize it how you see fit, and then invite your friends to participate. That way you can't be disappointed that someone else didn't do it for you.” It is through my own actions that will keep that connection strong or let it be what it is. They have other relationships that they need to be a part of and I need to be ok with that. And if I am not ok with it, my action is to simply pick up the phone and dial. No more victimhood here.

COOLDOWN. Speaking of calls, I have a good friend of mine to call today as part of my agreed upon “friend” category stretch. So to go and call them I will leave you with this popular motivational expression often used to encourage self-assurance and unapologetic self-expression “Do you. They’ll adjust.”

Take Care, 

G$