Know Love, No Competition: Reflections on Partnership, Patriotism, and Peace
Standing in the Eye of the Spiral: Navigating Life's Twists with GT
Know Love, No Competition: Reflections on Partnership, Patriotism, and Peace
WARM UP. Good greetings to you today folks. Thank you for joining me in reading today’s blog. We had an earlier arrival to the sanctuary today which had us out in front of some of the ongoing storms we are experiencing. Despite the incoming storms the water was rather calm albeit cooler than even yesterday. The specific beach we went to today was less populated than our more local beach as that beach is being occupied by fans of the yearly “airshow.”
Many of you are likely familiar with airshows and for those who are not, it usually involves military airplanes doing laps around a specified area for patriots, nationalists and children to “Ooo and Ahh” at the wonders of the passing air vehicles. The curmudgeon in me views it simply as a spectacle of loud and obnoxious decadence. Some of my friends in a small circle received a text from me saying something along the lines of “it sounds like our tax dollars are doing laps around in the sky, showering us with jet-fuel tax dollars.” Someone said “the sound of freedom,” only to have me retort “I wish freedom was less noisy so I could take a nap. I guess those we are showcasing our “freedom” to in other countries are getting their dirt naps in…lucky them.”
Honestly, I cannot help but situate my brain on these occasions to others who aren't hearing these planes as simply as a “show.” Perhaps a show of force, not as a spectacle. I did also forget to mention that this show is only 3 miles from my domicile so these planes are zipping over our neighborhoods, we all experience the crackling, booming sounds of their afterburners. Watching our pets quiver and run for cover is all the reminder I need to know that humans across the globe are having the same reaction, except whereas here it’s for “enjoyment,” while there it is followed up with explosions.
Which leads me into “LOVE WINS,” last week's inspired topic that was only expounded on at the end of the blog briefly. “LOVE WINS” is a statement that people would likely identify with mostly on a surface level. We ask what exactly is “love winning?” Now mind you, this flag was being flown high above a church so let us assume that “love” is overcoming “hate.” I am unsure of others' experiences, however if “LOVE WINS,” then I care to disagree.
Our men's group this past week addressed our weekly topic which was “intimate relationships.” This could be translated to “romantic relationships” just as easily for those who need more ways to say it. Now my experiences with dating have spanned 25+ years and the amount of people I have told them that “I love” them is innumerable. At different periods in my life I have withheld using the word “love” in relationships for the sole purpose of not using it. To think that a Graham with anything less than the wisdom I presently possess could even fathom what a word like “love” could really mean is laughable.
In my series of “romantic” relationships spanning 25 years I have to sum them up to being one big competition. Think about it. How could a romantic relationship be one big competition? You have his and hers bathrooms, closets, sides of the bed, chores, bank accounts, families, cars, etc etc etc. Think of the split homes, which a significant number of children experience here in America. The relationship between parents and their children quickly becomes “who is the child's favorite parent,” or “who’s side are you on?” Remind yourself of our veterans with PTSD. They were taught that there is a competition for their nation’s well being going on that they must participate in on our forefathers behalf. All of us who have dated before know these situations oh too well, “what’s for dinner?” and “what should we watch on TV?” Many of these situations and decisions have a root in competing. Hell just to keep your mate, are you not in competition for their attention? For their happiness?
I made a decision and had a discussion with my partner that I am not looking for a common label of a girlfriend, fiancé, wife, whatever. In my previous blog, Foundations of Success: Systems, Mentors, and the Collective Journey, I brought up the fact that building in the function into the names branding is something that I find appealing. In the same way I want a brand to have its function built into its name, I would like the label of the relationship to do the same. Now in a world such as ours the common term “partner” has been snatched up in “popular” romantic relationship language as being anything other than straight. However I refer to my “commonly known as a girlfriend" as my partner. What I need in my romantic relationships is a partner, 50/50 as we are both in it, more properly 100/100. Our two 100’s can be added together then divided by two to become1 or one full 100. I don’t need less than your full self, and if you aren’t even sure of what your full self is, perhaps we both can journey together to help us be that full 100 of ourselves, individually, together. Partnership.
A partnership cannot be a competition, it has to be a collaborative effort. To compete is to “strive to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others who are trying to do the same.” Defeating and establishing superiority over anyone you are in a romantic relationship with is likely going to lead to a prominently unhealthy relationship. Whether you compete to see who is right or wrong, compete to see who can be more successful, or compete to see who can be a better parent, you or they may come out feeling like a winner in any given moment, however your relationship is a loss. Yes of course there are levels and nuances to competition in a grander scope of this discussion, that’s not what this discussion is meant to expand on or explore.
Besides romantic relationships, think of all relationships. Keep in mind all of the people you encounter, near or far to you that are always of this mindset. Look at the misery people are exposing all of earth’s inhabitants for their competitions. Should we really be as fellow Earthlings in a competition to survive against…one another in this day in age? In a competition for resources? Hasn’t our collective access to intelligence shown us that “we are in this together?” You may live on another piece of rock somewhere else located on this planet but it does not mean that any of us need to compete to survive, humans are collectively too well equipped to continuously live in a scarcity mindset.
COOLDOWN. As I begin to wind down I would like to invite you to join me in reading a book by Alfie Kohn– you can find that here (No Contest). It is a book advocating for more collaborative efforts as humans on a systemic level of operating. Saying that “love wins” feels more like wishful thinking than a probable feat. If you are using love as an action, it cannot be in competition to something, it simply cannot. That goes against what love as an action is. Because love is not a word, it is an action, that is the only thing that love is. You can use words to describe an action, but it is not the action, that is a simple fact. So if you have the ability to know this action of love, go out, do it. If you don’t know the action of love, take a few moments daily to see if you can gain some mental clarity on the subject. Get yourself acquainted with the thought of “KNOW LOVE.”
Peace,
G$